HAHA WRITES A LETTER TO THE PERSON M
I’ve been informed that you are one of the most famous people in the northern hemisphere.
Which is really big, since you’ve never even been there.
But you don’t need to go, to the north, coz [Haha has very little time at her disposal; hence her preference for vulgarisms such as, for example, "coz" in place of "because"] it’s shit up there, without you.
It's shit coz [see above justification for the use of vulgarisms] it's without you.
You probably get a cartload of letters just like this one every day, and, I know you don’t have time to read them all, but this is to your secretary if this never reaches your hands –
Fuck you! Hey secretary! Fuck you!
Who are you to judge my humble letter and toss it aside like this?
Who the fuck are you to silence my pleas, to skim over probably even this bit here, to fucken [see above justification for the use of vulgarisms], you fucken [see above justification for the use of vulgarisms] get this letter to that girl that I saw that time at that meat house, with the rosy cheeks and with the blondie hair, she looked like she could’ve been a boy, but then she went and put on a dress and, I tell you what, I could hardly recognize her... and I stumbled all over myself and spoke some silly words which I pray to god failed to be heard by her, and... aagh fuck you secretary.
Just put this pile of crap in the bin.
I’ll try again tomorrow, secretary.
If she’s in tomorrow, secretary, I tell you... you know what? She is going to flip out when she reads this, the letter I’m going to write tomorrow, oh, it's gonna [see above justification for the use of vulgarisms] be, oh, oh, secretary, it's going to be something alright.
Until then, all the best to you and yours, secretary.